I check other blogs & the latest post comes up first, how do I do that? anyway I got through the night without going back to smoking, it was a battle first Steve was gone for a couple of hours & we sold our other car or I would have went to store to get a pack & by the time he got home I was napping & just fought the temptation.
I am really tired so tired of waiting, I keep feeling every day that someone will see my plight & "share it" so that others will help I know people care like that lady on the bus being bullied so I imagine a new house one that does not envelope me in the memories of Jasons death, I don't want to nor could I forget him but everywhere I look is a memory then I automaticaly go back to the hospital & his last days, watching him all broken then turning off life support.
Laying my hand on his chest wanting to keep his heart beating, then watching his color fade so quick after his last breath that when I kissed him last he was already grey, I imagine him being cremated........
I just feel another house would help to go on with life without at every turn when I am trying to do daily stuff I wouldn't be thrown back to those memories every day, I know I have ptsd & I need depression meds back, I just can't live with this pain every day.
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